Hello

I’M SELINA

I spent years caught in self-destructive behaviour (not eating, not sleeping enough, drinking too much) because I thought these things would lead me to the success I envisioned.

Working at a fast-paced ad agency in downtown Toronto was my dream job, and I landed it!

I did it all—early mornings, late nights at the office, the 3-hour commute, working on the train, socializing on weekends. I lived life chained to my iPhone, responding to its ding’s like they were real-life emergencies.

For a young person starting out, I had it all—or at least I seemed to.

Let’s start at the beginning…

I grew up in a Big Italian Family where food was the focus of, well, everything. As I grew up and became more body conscious, I rejected the Italian traditions (double helpings of pasta), and began the search for healthier options. Confused by conflicting information and heavily influenced by the diet culture and media, I felt into all the common diet traps: low fat, no carbs, counting calories, and began restricting my eating.

I thought I had to be thin, beautiful, high-energy, and always “on.” I tried to prove my worth through my work and my waistline. I associated being thin with success, so controlled my eating as a way to control the outcome in my life. (Side note: now that I’m educated about food and the body, I realize I was going about this completely the wrong way).

I used work to silence my hunger and stomach pain. I did my best to ignore the neck and shoulder pain that became a constant in my life. The more I focused on my work, the less I felt any attempt my body made to tell me something was wrong.

How could I possibly be unhappy in the big-city job, in a competitive industry, that any of my peers would have fought for? A job that I was good at.

This was supposed to be “it.”

Yet my body was telling me it wasn’t.

The truth was, I hated my job. I dreaded my long commute to the city. I felt isolated from my family and had stopped socializing with my friends. Immersed in the tall city buildings and bustling streets, I felt disconnected from nature, and from myself. I was lonely, malnourished, and exhausted.

Finally, I had to face the sad truth that if I kept going this way I’d be burnt out, alone, and look like I was 50 by age 30 (ugh, no thanks).

I know self-destructive behaviour well. I know that it doesn’t start out as self-sabotage. It can come from a place of wanting to help other people, or create change in the world (or in your family).

It’s not even about the external rewards. But no matter how much you help others, or win their approval, it will never fill the void you have inside of you if you don’t believe you’re enough.

It took me reaching a mental and physical breaking point.

Contemplating suicide. And weighing an all-time low of 104 lbs. To realize that everything I was doing to be “enough” and have control in my life, was actually making me less capable, and less valuable to the people around me.

Ironically, when it came down to it, I realized that in order to be able to show up in my work and participate in relationships the way I wanted to, I’d have to put myself first.

Talk about a mind shift.

What I know to be true: Without your health, you can’t be there for the people in your family, your workplace, or your community the way you want to. When you put off your needs, you hurt the people you care about the most.

Which feels backwards, because you’re likely shouldering the responsibility and the roles you do to provide for other people. Yet, if you’re doing it all at the expense of yourself, nobody wins.

I needed to slow down, prioritize my wellbeing, and learn to love my body. In the fast-paced city life I was conditioned to want more, bigger, better, to the point where nothing measured up. Not even myself.

This was hard to take. As much as I wanted to be great at my career and show up fully in my relationships, the biggest disappointment was that I was far from the best version of myself.

Enter Yoga.

I went to my first yoga class because I heard it would help with digestion. I desperately needed to de-stress (though I didn’t know it at the time).

Yoga grounded me. Deep breathing helped me pay attention to my body and reconnect with how I was feeling. It was awkward at first, but I kept going. There was something about the mindful practice I couldn’t tear myself away from.

Yoga (the practice and philosophy) taught me an entirely new way of being. I was finally able to connect to and be IN my body. Yoga gave me my relationship with myself.

Yet, once I paid attention to my body I realised how much pain I was in.

At the time, I’d never heard of a gluten allergy. It took me three painful years of medical tests, bouncing from doctor to doctor with inconclusive results, to discover my gluten intolerance. All the while I felt uncomfortable in my skin and at odds with my body.

I realized that in order for me to heal, a lot needed to change, including leaving the job I’d worked hard to get.

I left the big city with the same ambition I’d arrived with. Only, I was different. This time I was focused on educating myself about food, nutrition, allergies, holistic living, and determined to learn how to fit self-care into a busy lifestyle. There were so many eye-opening moments along the way. Those very revelations are what I share in my courses, trainings and workshops today.